No matter how much I would like too.
Girls that read the musings of the one and only Lady SJ would be familiar with her Men I’d Like To Smoke series that I just completely took a bite out of and stole for consumption here (Thanks!)
Except instead of showcasing an array of men I would like to feast on and detailing why, I have decided to showcase to you the odd man in the universe that I wouldn’t like to feast on.
Well that’s not entirely true, its more about men I’d like to feast on but probably couldn’t stomach. What am I talking about? Men like Bear Grylls.
Pictured above drinking Turtle Blood for a very unknown reason.
Anyone that knows me will know that my idea of camping is a Diplomatic Suite at the Grand Hyatt and schlepping it foodwise is more like eating Mee-Goreng than eating a freshly gutted Pirahna with a side of Fern Root.
Despite this I would like to smoke the host of Man vs Wild, Bear Grylls.
Despite seeing him go down on a freshly killed zebra and eating Elephant shit.
What he has going in his favour:
- He was born in Ireland and therefore probably likes a drink or twelve.
- Despite this he has a sexy British accent from living in England for so long.
- He has a chiseled jaw line, abdominal definition from actual exercise rather than heroin abuse
- He could probably save me in the event of Armageddon
Why it wouldn’t work:
- Married with Three Kids (semantics really)
- He prefers Ants and Leaves to Steak and Chips
- Issues like Suede Bally pumps in the rain may seem trivial to someone that has climbed Mt Everest
- His father is a Lord and may not approve of the skanky Australian girl trying to move in on his son
So there you have it, a man that is simultaneously very attractive and also highly unattractive. I look forward to sharing more and more.
8 Comments
I watched Man vs Wild for the very first time this week and pretty much just yelled at the TV the whole time. He’s a goose! Albeit, a very entertaining one. I think I liked him better before he opened his mouth and started sliding down rainforest floors and telling me stuff that’s pretty obvious, even for a non-SAS trained, non-Everest climbing, non married, childless person such as myself.
Pretty sure I’ll watch it again next week.
hahaha miglet!!! i only saw it for the first time this week too! and i’m like WHY?!?!?! WHY DUDE???
my housemate has secret fantasies of being him I think (you know, the one that tells you all the different ways he knows how to kill you at parties?)
soph, you’re fucking hilarious: Issues like Suede Bally pumps in the rain may seem trivial to someone that has climbed Mt Everest
seems trivial, is actually v.v. important.
x
this guy is like the new Steve Irwin, except whever he sees an animal… he eat it.
fuck man. this guy eats anything!
i fucking love that show. i love bear grylls . i love his name and the fact that he is willing to squeeze “water’ out of an elephant shit and drink it, so when i get stranded in Africa ill know how to survive for another 20mins.
the man is a genius and i plan on buying all 3 seasons on DVD so I can have my fill of grylls whenever i feel the need.
he also drank his own piss….
You might have more in common than you think Soph.. turns out that after the cameras stopped rolling on his “survival” show the dude was checking into nice little hotels with “blueberry pancakes” for brekie…
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article2116195.ece
mmm real Survival Mr Grylls… They defend themselves by saying…
“Born Survivor is not an observational documentary series but a ‘how to’ guide to basic survival techniques in extreme environments,”
“The programme explicitly does not claim that presenter Bear Grylls’s experience is one of unaided solo survival.”
hahahahaha personally the dude shits me to tears.
Bear is the man I downloaded all 8 seasons of his dope show, Good information if I get lost, which is pretty much anywhere further than 40k radius of the cbd.
I SAW HIM DRINK HIS OWN PISS IN THE DESERT!!!!!!!
I would tap it in a second.
i saw him eat a live green tree frog. how does this man not get worms? probably because they are scared of him i guess. he does kinda look like christian bale though.