For Community College
Hello Kitty Taser Gun
Josey Rebelle
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Going to work tomorrow is going to be FUN TIMES!
So there’s a tube strike on in London for the next two days which means that it will take me, oh I don’t know, A HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND HOURS? to get to work tomorrow. It’s true what they say: you just don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. I [...]
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Well, well, well…look what the cat dragged in.
Hi. Sorry I’m late. So, great news: it was my birthday this week and I am now THIRTY YEARS OLD! Hayley told me that I’m too old to be a Mayorette now. Her exact words were “Fuck off and die, you prune-faced old bitch”. But I’m not gonna let her [...]
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Shit Things on the Internet – Episode 1
While it is universally acknowledged that the interweb can be a veritable source of hilarity, it must also be admitted that there is so much fucking shit on there that is meant to be funny but really is just not fucking funny at all. You are thinking: “Like Josey Rebelle’s [...]
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A message to all my enemies
I haven’t really got any enemies, but if I did this deadly seal of doom would have those fools QUAKING IN THEIR BOOTS!
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You can take the girl out of the hood…
…but you can’t take the hood out of the girl and that’s why I L O MOTHERFUCKING V E this coat Jennifer Aniston’s rocking with a hood so big you could fit two grannies, their shopping trollies and a week’s worth of soiled incontinence pads inside! Yeah! By the way, [...]
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Oh, to be a rich man with big feet!
Just looking at the Air Max 95 makes me feel all gooey inside. They’re the kicks I was rocking before I started uni, when I got my first job and had cash (more than I actually have now which is somewhat confusing and equally depressing). They made me feel happy, [...]
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Damn, she ain’t even dead yet!
Do you guys know about Jade Goody? The 27 year old reality TV star who found out she had cervical cancer on Indian Big Brother last year and now only has ‘days’ to live? Well THIS ain’t gonna make her feel any better is it? I know she likes a [...]
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So Jacko emails me…
You know, Michael Jackson, right? Well, actually, the email was from the Michael Jackson fan club. Some crazy fraud must have signed me up for it. The cheek! The King of Pop and ‘Artist of the Millennium’ (do you remember that shit? How embarrassing!) is gonna be doing a series [...]
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This is how much money I have. Really.
I know like EVERYONE is poor, but I really do think I deserve more sympathy than most because I am a good person and I have had a Catholic confirmation and I always sit near crazy people on the train to prove to everyone that, hey, crazy people are still [...]
