When I get homesick and miss Aussie accents, I will just listen to this:
(NSFW) Read More
Okay so back from the beach now and feeling gooooood. As it happens, Venus Bay ain’t actually with it when it comes to technology so no twit pics and the like, not even BASIC coverage! How do people do it! I did take some pics of the joint on my mates camera though so do expect a post on that later.
In other news, I braved the boxing day sales last week (never ever do that shit voluntarily okay, it’s fuckin HELL, SO. MANY. PRAMS.) because my sister moved out and with her went basically every whitegood appliance. Nooooo. It was a good time to get that shit sorted and sorted we did. New fridge, washing machine, iron and a DYSOOON. It all arrived and I have to say, I’ve experiencing a weird sense of euphoria from these new appliances. I was pulling that Dyson (vaccuum cleaner fyi) outta the box like some 1950s housewife and delighted in using it for the first time. GROSS. What is happening to me? I guess it’s normal to want nice stuff but now I got the fridge I’m also wanting to cook. Bizarre.
Usually my cooking would be comprised of something consisting of the above. But last night I made chicken piccato with butter, capers, garlic and white wine sauce and a rocket and roast pumpkin salad with feta and pinenuts. WTF? What is happening to meeee? It was dope by the way, but I almost feel like I’m doing feminism a disservice by even trying to cook good dinners for myself and I cannot lie, boyfriend. Errrgh. Feels all a little too Mad Men. But I do get some kinda happiness from dude saying it tastes really good. GROSS. That said, Betty Draper is smokin’ (literally, I kill meeee).
But that said, all her cooking wouldn’t keep a man. And look at ol’ Tiger Woods (who knows if his wife cooked really but whatevs). Is a man’s heart really through his stomach? (whoah that sounded totally like a Carrie Bradshaw voice over, soz). Some scientist or some shit said that men are driven base level on two things, food and sex. So basically if a dude hasn’t got an erection, go get em a hotdog. I straight up beg to differ with that. Do you even KNOW how obsessed dudes are with shit like cars, playstation and music? Let me enlighten you on that: A FUCKIN LOT. I know dudes that would gladly neg on a BJ to finish a level on the Xbox or obsessive-compulsively spend HOURS downloading shitloads of albums off the net and importing them into itunes and then rename each fucking song so it fits a standardized system of naming that they like to maintain, like of the rest of the thousands of songs on itunes with official album artwork, correct artist name and credits (feat. not FEAT. featuring etc etc) and then call the whole exercise “managing” their itunes so it sounds like an actual important job that needs to be done rather than what it is which is creating work for yourself late at night when you could just be lying in bed getting a BJ. Not that I’m talking about anyone in particular or anything *ahem*.
Where was I? Oh food and dudes. Anyways. There’s no doubt about it, dudes like food on SOME level but just how important is it? I recently found out about this recipe called (get ready, don’t vomit) ‘the Engagement Chicken’. Basically it’s been touted as somewhat of a MAGICAL chicken, that when you cook it your man will be mesmerised by what an amazing morsel of wifey-ness you are and propose. I’m deadly fucking serious. Go check it out! And if you want a little extra help to turbo charge this bizarre chicken spell thinly veiled as cooking, then don’t forget to make the ‘Hook-Him Apple Pie’. Can you believe this fuckery?! Oh but apparently it works! Haha. It’s so sad and pathetic reading some of the comments from women who have tried it. Check this one:
“I dated a man long-distance for a little over a year, but the whole time I wondered if he was really even into me, he never told me he loved me or wanted to get married…I made this chicken and I didn’t cook it long enough (oops!) so we just ate the outer parts, he did like it but not enough to propose I guess, lol. A couple months later he broke up with me.”
Oh honey! see that’s where you went wrong, you went and fucked it up! I wouldn’t marry a bitch that served my raw fucking chicken either. Damn! Here’s another….
“I made this 4 years ago. I originally made it for this guy I really liked in hopes that our relationship would go to the next level, however shortly after I made the chicken, our friendship ended. A month after the chicken was made, I met my now husband and I was engaged 4 months after I made the engagement chicken.”
See it IS magic! This is the kinda bullshit that has spurred on this silly thing…
“Getting ready to try this tonight. I even bought the stuff to make brownies, his favorite dessert. Cross your fingers. We have been togther for over 2-1/2 years and talk about marriage, but no actual proposal yet.”
Cross your fingers guys!! Jesus, what a sad fuck. And 2 and a half years ain’t even that long! Brownies too!
The funny thing is, the poor bastards these idiots are dating will have nooooo idea about this crazy magic chicken. They’re just gonna think that they’ve scored a sick meal, end of story. Meanwhile after a week of lack of proposals, the bitches are gonna be the moodiest little passive aggressive cunts that ever walked the earth because dude hasn’t put a ring on it. Haha.
If I had more money I’d try it tonight, but as it happens I’m thinking that I might just get subway for dinner, I’m broke as fuck, it’s 35 degrees (not exactly baking weather), I need to do all this work shit, I don’t wanna get married right now and more overwhelmingly I COULDN’T BE FUCKEDDDDD.
Hmm…perhaps I’m not a Susie Homemaker afterall…..
So lads, how important is food to your heart and boners? Not that I even really care, coz now I bought all these appliances PJ’s fucked if he leaves me and has to start from scratch. Fuck you buddy, go have a fiddle on your itunes!
So I found a few pics of the Romance was Born store over at Fashion Hailey (I really like this blog, she seems like such a sweety!) I hope she doesn’t mind me using them but I couldn’t resist…
God I want to get a neon sign made up… or one of those hilarious nail-art neon signs, you know with a hand holding a rose with hot pink talons… amazing.
I don’t often feel sorry for rich people. In fact mostly I take utter delight in their misfortune to the extent that it’s a bit of an issue. I realise this, and identification is the first step. Reasons I hate rich people or at least their kids is that they’re usually spoilt, dumber and lazier than me (if that’s at all possible), young Liberals (for OS readers, the australian Liberal party is ironically the polar opposite of ‘liberal’, think *retch* republican) and basically I’m jealous of them. Yep I said it. I want money and trips and dumb shit rich young people do like shop at Kitson and host Las Vegas club nights (actually I wouldn’t do that, but maybe I’d host like some cool LA night at Cinespace or something haha, wait I hate hipsters…um a rooftop party in NYC then, yes that would be cool, why am I still thinking about this…)
But sometimes you gotta feel sorry for them a LITTLE bit. Poor Alexa Joel above. You really can’t help how you were born looking and for ppl to pick on you for that is very cunty unless of course you are an asshole yourself. What’s the chances that with a super-model for a mum you’d end up looking, well, so ‘normal’. As a blogger once said Alexa somehow ended up with ‘the musical talent of her mother and the looks of her dad’. Sucks. That said I still think she’s pretty cute! Not Christy Brinkley cute but cute. Why she looks like a Greek woman I have no idea though. Weird. Read More
Someone, let’s just call them a genius, once likened dating people to going for job interviews.
Despite the fact that you sit there for an hour or so, nervously attempting to say the right things and be the right person, half the time you don’t even want the job.
Then there are some jobs that want you really badly, but you’d rather shave your head and give up Chanel beauty products than schlep it to work with them every day.
Then there are the worst kinds of jobs when the job you really want is actually a real asshole who, despite treating you like a princess and doing all the right things, never calls you back to make a formal offer.
But whatever the job, even when you don’t want the job, when you interview you have to pretend like the only thing in the world you want is that very job. Read More
Not to be confused with the early 90s R&B girl group SWV, although it wouldn’t be unheard of to make a post about them here on Mayorettes.
No, I’m talking about style biters. Copy cats. Single White Female shiz. You know the type. You meet a girl (or a guy), maybe they’re a friend of a friend, a new work colleague, or someone from uni (hypothetically, of course). They seem nice enough but you do notice that their style is pretty nondescript, perhaps even daggy. Read More
I can’t help but celebrate the Irony that I am about to write what I’m writing on a Blog.
There is a reasonably fantastic article by The Telegraph about the social norms being killed off by the increased prevalance of the internet, which I couldn’t help but find inspirational when writing this post. Credit where credit is due, my girl Custards also got me going when quoted about Facebook: living and doing shit is even better than telling people you’re doing shit. Words from the wise.
The whole over-connected thing has been on my mind a lot lately after I got the shits because one person that I know ‘in real life’ was following two of my friends on twitter but not me. Which to start off with is pretty fucking juvenille but isn’t it human nature to notice these things? Aren’t you allowed to feel a bit jaded that they chose them but not you?
Twitter is like a billboard of social exclusion, an online public competition of how many friends you can rack up and snort and how many people validate your popularity back. All the while you ‘follow’ people you don’t know that if you ‘followed’ in real life you would be arrested for.
I am not Anti-Twitter at all, despite how it sounds, I am Twitter-Jaded that some bullshit social networking site can bring me back to high school. Read More
Seriously, this dude has been dead to me ever since he began his infatuation with Victoria Beckham. What is it with gay guys loving shit women *ahem KYLIE ahem*. Posh isn’t even like so bad she’s good ala Coco (ice t’s wife, I love her) or Pammy. She’s just plain rat shit. Remember when Posh and Beck’s moved to LA and Tom Cruise and Katie-bot had a welcome to America party for them, EWWWWW it was so fucking revolting. And he put’s THIS bitch on a tee. Ok it’s for a charity or some shit but it doesn’t excuse shit, he used her in campaigns and shit too. WTF. Posh is NOT COOL. She’s NOT FUNNY. She’s just plain shit house. She’s like anti-inspirational when it comes to luxury goods too. Like when I see some hot bitch with a Chanel bag I cry a single tear that I’ll never afford one, but whenever I see Posh in shit it kinda makes me okay that I’m a poor pleb, coz she’s head to toe in designer goods and just ends up looking like a transvestite praying mantis who tries way too hard and her husband won’t fuck her. She’s not sensual or sexy or fuckable, which okay dressing up ain’t about but it IS about making chicks think “damn, I wanna be her or be friends with her” and I don’t think that when I see her. I just think…damn I can’t believe anyone buys your fucking perfume. Okay, end of rant. I’m hormonal. My apologies.
…When parents think its ok to let their 9 year old daughters dress like the above for the whole world to see …
Yes this is one of the Cyrus clan, Noah, little sister of ol’ Miley, and yes she is dressed like a “sexy vampire” complete with come-sex-me boots, a body-con mini and a face full of whorish makeup… Aw cute, she must be having a “Twilight” moment right? VOMIT!
I know it is halloween and everything but couldn’t she have dressed like a regular Vampire, not like a street-walker, I need money for crack vampire? Is that too much to ask? Ergh so, so wrong.
Why?
If I see another woman with one of these Pandora bits of crap on their wrist I think I am going to scream!!!!
WHY????
These are possibly the ugliest bits of jewellery on earth… They are generic, tacky and tasteless and from what I’ve gathered each hideous charm will cost you anything from $100 up to like thousands of dollars, I’d rather wear a bin liner for a day then have to walk around with this shit on my wrist… It boggles the mind!